Saturday, December 26, 2009

Filling Big Shoes



I'm not sure what it is about their Daddy's shoes but both boys love putting them on and tromping about the house. John will spend a good 20 minutes putting them on, standing up, walking, falling out of them, and doing it all again. Which for my little tazmanian devil, is a long, long time. It does come in handy when I am trying to make dinner and correct papers.


I guess if they were going to try to fill anybody's shoes they couldn't find a man with more integrity, love and desire to live for Jesus, or intelligence (at least in my opinion). Of anybody in the whole world, I hope they continue to try to fill their father's footsteps, not some sports star, not some movie star, not some singer, but Chris'. His sense of doing the right thing, no matter the cost, his sincere love for Jesus, his desire to know all he can about Jesus, his incredible work ethic, his self-confidence, his ability to have fun are all attributes I pray my boys acquire. But more than that I pray their their love for filling Chris' shoes pales in comparision to their love for trying follow in Jesus' footsteps.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

THE week

... or is it better worded the Weak? In either case we have had a weak week. It is not often that our whole family gets hit at once with illness, usually it is just me and the kids. Chris remains safe in his hidey-hole in the basement. This past week was different. Wednesday was the start of our weak week. John started throwing up during nap (gross). He continued to throw up every 15-20 minutes (no exageration) until he went to bed at 6:30. I started to throw up somewhere between Russia and writing Christian words to secular Christmas songs on Thursday. Good thing I had my empty water container for the ride home, although my intervals were fewer than John's. Let's just say it was not empty when we arrived home. Elijah started throwing up just as I stopped Thursday night and Chris followed two hours later. I am sure that all the linens in our house have been washed, twice, in what was the longest night of my life since giving birth to Elijah.

One thing that struck me was that often I am flippant about my health. I mean, if I die I know where I am going. And I am used to sucking it up. I avoided the doctor as a teen and young adult because I didn't want my mom to have to pay another bill. But Thursday night, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday were reminders that health is a gift.

The other thing that struck me is that one should be very careful what they pray for. I have been fervently praying for some self-control in the area of food. I don't know what it is about food that controls me so but I know it has to stop. Well, when one cannot eat because doing so causing severe stomach pain, food starts to look a bit different. It is not longer a comfort or a friend but really a despised enemy. I guess God really does use whatever comes into our lives to teach and mold us.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Perspective

My perspective on life changed dramatically this week. In the span of 10 minutes on Tuesday my eyes were opened to a very obvious truth. One that most of us take for granted. Here's how it happened,
In the midst of teaching my 6th graders the wonders of action verbs with a rousing game of charades the beep of the intercom interrupted our class. "Mrs. Anderson you need to answer your phone," the voice said urgently. My stomach got that icky feeling that one gets when they are about to hear something they don't want to hear. I rushed to my phone to take the call. On the other end was Jodi, my dearly loved, daycare provider and friend. She has been part of our lives since before Elijah was born. She was so hysterical I could not understand what she was saying. What I thought I heard was, "I'm sorry, so sorry." My heart was racing as I tried to decipher her words. Finally, it came out, "My niece, my niece, she died." In an instant I could breath again but in the next I realized that my relief was at the cost of Jodi's grief.
Rushing to pick up John and console my friend I left my 6th graders, baffled, with the tech. guy. When I arrived at her house she related the story. Her niece had been feeling feverish and sore, but she had just delivered her second baby a couple of weeks prior, so it didn't seem urgent. She was intending to go to the doctor but never made it. She died in the ambulance. Just like that. She was gone. Forever.
Jodi could not understand what had happened. She was very close to her niece, who was 25. What would happen to her daughters, a 5 year old and a newborn? How would Jodi's sister survive the devastating loss of a daughter?
When I got back to school I felt God pushing a thought into my mind, "You are not guaranteed this day. What are you doing with this gift?" Jodi's niece did not wake up on Tuesday morning knowing she would die. She walked her daughter to the bus, she texted Jodi, she kissed her baby. But, then it was all over. All week I have been thinking about that. What am I doing to show God's love to those around me? Am I taking advantage of the gift of this day? I am certainly not guaranteed even one more hour.
How about you? How are you taking advantage of the gift of this day?

Friday, November 20, 2009

I am ____________.

...not who I want to be. ...not a good single mom.
...addicted to TV and snacks....not sure why this Christian living thing is so hard....a hypocrit....tired...not sure how to get unstuck....braindead.
...whining....always sure I will be better next week.


On the outside, things look normal. But my spirit has been so weighed down as of late. My mind is constantly swimming with all that I should do but yet I find my butt glued to the couch at night and my eyes staring at the TV while my Bible sits on the hutch behind me and the laundty sits beside the couch. I go to sleep sure that I can resist the sweets, that I will work out, that I will get out of bed early for quiet time, that I will do housework a little at a time, that I will be a better mom tomorrow.

I guess I am in good company. Paul too struggled with doing what he knew was right. He too knew that he needed God's command. I am allowing my sin, my enemy, to defeat me. But, my God is a deliverer, a protector, a merciful Father. He will carry out His good work in me, eventually.


For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Romans 7:18-19

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Lesson's Learned from a Four Year Old

When trouble comes and it seems that your world is ending, call out for your Father.

It is always the best idea to be safe.

It doesn't matter if we mess up the words to the song, sometimes more truth comes out that way.

Putting things in straight lines or making a collection can be hours of fun.

Daddy's are silly, so they can't ride the bus for field trips. Only Mommy's get to ride the bus.

Nothing fixes a boo-boo like a little kiss.

If you don't get what you want the first time, just keep asking, who knows maybe somebody will change their mind.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Interviewing

When I was growing up I wanted to travel the world and interview interesting people. I wanted to tell their stories. I wanted others to learn from the wisdom, stupidity, mistakes, and words of others. Well, this is what I ended up with.
video

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

For you, Sara and Josiah...

Blue eyes hold a special place in my heart (my man and my baby both have baby blues). But two of my very favorite people have blue eyes too. One has been my life long friend and one squirmed his way into my heart five years ago. On October 7, they share a birthday. I love you Sara. I praise God everyday that I ended up your little sister. You played a huge part in who I am becoming. Josiah, you are the most amazing little boy. I knew from the moment I held you that you were amazing. God has such fantastic plans for you.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Goals for the Week

This week marks the beginning of Chris' travel season. I tend to let things slide when he is out of town. The last time he was gone I downed a half gallon of chocolate peanut butter ice cream. ouch! So to curb the inevitable downturn in my physical (ice cream is bogo this week too), spiritual, and mental health I am setting some goals for the week and counting on some accountability from my friends.

Goal 1: Dessert only three times this week. Tuesday at small group, Thursday for Special K bars at school, and Saturday for a possible birthday shindig.

Goal 2: In bed by 9:15 so I can get up at 5:30 to spend time with my Father

Goal 3: Work out 4 times
Goal 4: Love my kids, both in school and at home, even when they drive me up the wall.

They can't help it, they're kids.

Goal 5: Not complain about single parenting. I have friends who single parent every day, at least I am blessed enough to have a husband who will come home eventually.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Thank You Jesus

Thank you, Jesus!
Thank you, thank you, Jesus!
Thank you, Jesus!
For this meal. Amen.

Elijah has been singing this little ditty he learned in preschool at every meal. It got me thinking about my attitude lately. To be honest I have been feeling so overwhelmed with planning lessons, correcting papers, helping students feel at home on a new class, redirecting misbehavior, cooking, cleaning, putting away dishes, spending time with Chris, playing with the boys, keeping John out of trouble and convincing Elijah that he will indeed like the school lunch. I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water and I am not enjoying anything right now.

Then I downloaded the pictures I took on the environmental education trip the middle school teachers took with the kids. God's glorious detail cracked my heart.







And when I picked up my bag to try to get home today I couldn't figure out why it was so heavy. My Bible, placed there by me to remind me to write on my blog, was making my bag tip over.


Thank you, Jesus for your Word, Amen!

"May the glory of the Lord endure forever; may the Lord rejoice in his works.." Psalm 104:31








Saturday, September 12, 2009

School Days by The Lunch Ladies


Day One:

Ms. Jen, the Lunch Lady: Elijah would you like a taco?

Elijah: um, no just a torilla, please.


Day Two:

Ms. Jen: Elijah would you like some spaghetti?

Elijah: No thanks, I'll have a taco.

Ms. Jen: We don't have any taco's today, would you like some spaghetti?

Elijah: Sure!


Day Three:

Elijah. standing in line for lunch: Where's dessert?


Day Four:

Elijah: Can I have some ranch?

Ms. Patti, the lunch room monitor: Um, you want ranch with your peanut butter and jelly?

Elijah: Yes please.

Friday, August 28, 2009

31 & 30 & 29 & 28 &....

One of my very favorite short stories is the story "Eleven" by Sandra Cisneros. In in, Rachel is turning eleven. At the beginning of the story she profoundly states that when you turn one year older you also keep the last year within you. Through the story she talks about wishing she were five and she points out when she acts like she is one and so on.

I am 31 but I tell you, there are days when I act like I am sixteen. On Tuesday nights when I gather with my dear bible study girls who are in their early twenties, I begin to act like I am 25 instead of 31. Some nights, after a trying day or when I have just had more than I think I can handle I am 3. And during the times when I just need to cry I am one. But, I am all those ages. I have lived them all, learned from them all and they all live inside of me.

What I really want is to look like I did when I was sixteen, have the knowledge I have as a 30 year old, and the energy I did when I was two. Is that asking too much?

Friday, August 14, 2009

A decade of blessings


Today is Chris and my 10 year anniversary. 10 years! A decade. A long time.


Walking down the aisle ten years ago I am certain I had no idea what I was in for. Like so many brides I had pictures of a life that was unattainable. What I got is so much better. I have a husband who loves me so much it amazes me. At times I have not seen it as love but it takes a whole lot of love to put up with a girl like me. I have a man who loves the Lord more than anything and seeks with all his heart do His will. I have a man who cherishes his sons.


Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with a life mate who loves You above all else and as an outpouring of that loves me more than I deserve. Thank you for seeing us through the bumpy road of the past ten years. Continue to nurture, feed, and grow our love for You and for each other.

With Joy,

Suz

Monday, August 10, 2009

7 years, 1 month & 1 day

I can remember it like it was yesterday instead of 7 years, 1 month, and 1 day ago. I can remember that whole time, really. It is a bit shocking how much I actually remember since I have the tendency to "forget" the things in life that are hard or difficult.

I remember visiting home Memorial day weekend and being so excited that Mom was up and around and so, well, alive. We went grocery shopping, talked forever, she even let her grown daughter lay in her lap as she stroked my hair (my favorite time with my mom since I was a kid).

I remember two weeks later the frantic call from Sara telling me to hurry home. I remember wishing the 5 1/2 hour drive would be done but at the same time dreading walking through the apartment door.

I remember taking care of my mom, much like she had taken care of me when I was a baby. It was a time that was so draining but also so important.

I also remember driving home from a 1o hour day at my hotel front desk job, dreading the homework that I needed to do that night and wishing I had air conditioning in our apartment. During that drive the Spirit so impressed upon me the need to talk to my mom that I almost called that night.

I waited though until the next morning. I briefly talked to Barb, who was taking care of her so we could all get a bit of a break, and then I had her hold the phone up to Mom's ear. I remember telling her that I loved her so much. Later that morning, I went off to do some research for a class at the college library glad that I had talked to her. I was sitting at a computer in the library when I was suprised to see Chris walking in the library. Thinking he had come to say hi or take me to lunch I smiled and greeted him with a, "What are you doing here?" His response set me aback, "Honey, you know why I am here." But I didn't know, not for the first three seconds or so then everything in my life changed, forever.

So, 7 years, 1 month, and 1 day later I can still remember it all. Truth be told, there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about my mom. I still miss her terribly even 7 years, 1 month, and 1 day later.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Idleness

I have been struck by a post my beloved sister and friend, Sara, put up a week or so ago about idle words and being accountable for all that we say. Her post has been festering in my heart. What gets me about it is not so much that I talk too much, nor that most of the time what I have to say is of no significance. I think more importantly God is really pulling on my heart about my idle time. I often spend my idle time with an idol, the TV. God wasn't kidding when he said, "Thou shall have no other gods before me." This is something I know, something I rationalize, and something I sometimes ignore. I have always loved TV. I grew up watching TV at night with my family. I love the characters and figuring out the story before anyone else. But it is idle time.

What really got me by the heart was when I was both speaking idle words and doing idle things at the same time. During a conversation with my sister on Wednesday I "profoundly" said that if someone is important to someone then they should make time for them. She was quiet (I am sure she was trying to figure out how to get me to stop talking) so I rambled on trying to justify my frustration with the relationship we were talking about. After we hung up God grabbed me and said, "Really, Suzanne, that must mean I am not all the important to you."

Uh...rats! I do believe that we make time for those things or people that are important to us but God is also right. I have not been making time for Him. What is wrong with me? I feel like Paul did when he said to the Romans, "For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing." (Romans 7:19) So I ask the question, why? Why do I allow myself to be so tempted, easily swayed, and lured away? More importantly what do I plan to do about it.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Dear...




Dear MaMa,
Please send that baby away! I don't understand why you brought her here in the first place. I need you to be ready at all times to hold me. Furthermore, your lap needs to be ready at all times for me to plop down to flip through a book. I don't think she is as cute as you think she is. Who wears dresses anyway? Remember I am your baby and everything I do you think is adorable. How can you think what she does is adorable? I do love her toys but that is not enough to sway me.
Your frustrated baby,
John-John



Dear Mom,

Wow! What a great addition! I think baby Adaeina is a rockstar. She is so much fun to talk to and make faces at. I really think she likes me. Don't you think we should have some more sisters, brothers, and big boys? I was a bit concerned at first that Ms. Kristin left her here but Adelina is great.

In love,
Elijah

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Learning to Swim

An integral part of any triathlon is the swim. To me it is the most daunting part. I chose the tri I am doing partly because the swim is supposed to be short, 500 yards. It later dawned on me that that is the same as 5 football fields. Not so short.

So in the past three weeks I have been learning to swim. My first time in the water was exhausting. My coach (Chris) explained that I should not kick my legs like I am doing the 50 meter dash but rather kick them like I am doing a 500 yard swim. To but it mildly I looked like a flailing fish, which is better than a beached whale, but not too helpful for a girl who has to swim in her triathlon. My second time in the water went better; I could actually breath and my flippers weren't working so much overtime. And so on I have progressed.

It dawned on me the other day that learning to swim is much like our relationship with God. We often dive in, not knowing what we are supposed to be doing, so we flail about in the water and then get frustrated and sink. We try it again, this time listening to our "coach" and learn a thing or two. As we continue going for it we get better and better at being authentic with God, at having a humble spirit, at spreading His saving grace to those around us.

I could certainly use more swim training, how about you?

Sunday, July 12, 2009

2/3alete

Today I finished 2 parts of a triathlon. Chris graciously did the swim for me (I'm still working on that part). So I completed 18.1 continuous miles of motion, in one sitting. Overall, I would say it went well. Probably the best part of the whole day was at the end when my dearly beloved husband congratulated me and then said, "You didn't think you could do it, but I knew you could."

Heading out on the run, only 3 miles to go.

I did take a little spill on the bike. I will say the first aid man was definitely not a parent. He didn't even warn me before dumping a bunch of peroxide on my wounds! Ouch!

Monday, June 29, 2009

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

In-Love's

Family is messy. My family is particularly messy. Sometimes it gets exhausting explaining my relationship to people.

Memorial Day weekend was one such time. The Anderson clan packed up the Pontiac and trekked down to the far reaches of Iowa to celebrate Grandpa Tim's retirement. But just who is this person we call Grandpa Tim? Well, he is my sister's husband's father. Like I said it is messy.

Luckily Grandma Barb got it all cleaned-up. While at the party she introduced me as her daughter-in-love. It was the most meaningful introduction I have ever received. Why? Because we are connected by bonds of love; bonds that will not quickly be broken. God ordained us as family the moment that Andy married Sara and his delightful parents decided they liked Sara's little sister too (even if she was a bit of a drama queen when they first met me).

In talking with a friend about how messy it is to explain my relationships with "family" I told her about the in-love introduction and right away she thought of the in-loves in her family. I think we can all think of some in-loves. I know that I for one am so grateful to be loved by my mother and father in-love. I can't think of a greater blessing!

Monday, May 25, 2009

A first birthday mess

We were so blessed to get to spend John's first birthday with family. Our family in-love (as Barb puts it) was celebrating the illustrious career of Tim in Keokuk, IA. We trekked down and were so blessed and excited to get to be there for the two celebrations.

There is one thing I can say about John's cake eating. The boy is efficient!

Mommy loves you, John Myron.

video

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

With Joy

How can one not have joy with boys as adorable as these?











Sunday, May 17, 2009

Catch Up

I feel like the weeks have just been getting away from me. Here we are with only three weeks and two days left in the school year. We are a mere 6 days away from John's first birthday (seriously, a year?). We are headed into our third weekend of major plans. All of these things are great and fun and worth it but...
I feel a bit like a hamster on the wheel, just spinning in circles. My heart is burdened with so much. A friend in great need, a sister in Christ who is learning to be a new mom, a Grandma having surgery, a sister newly married, a ministry that needs my help. How does one ever prioritize correctly?

Thursday, April 23, 2009

1-2

We got a win! 16-10 was the final score. It was great although I noticed that the girls seems just as giddy at the first two game we lost as they did last night. I guess they are having fun either way and so should I.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Channeling my inner Phil Jackson

My mother often reminded me that it was wise to think before you spoke. I thought this was a silly thing. What difference would it make if I thought about it? Three weeks ago I was having a conversation with our gym teacher when he mentioned that a 6th grade girl had organized most of her fellow female classmates (most of whom have never played softball before) to form a slow-pitch softball team but he couldn't find a coach. (I am sure you can guess where this is going) I said, "Well, I could do that."

At least twice, I have wished I would have kept my mouth shut. With three games this week and two every week thereafter along with a practice I am feeling a bit too busy. So, here I am trying to channel my inner coach. I have discovered that I really want to win, even though we have lost twice. I have also discovered that I really love these girls and want them to have fun. Perhaps that is what we will accomplish this season, lots of fun. (And maybe a win.)

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

He makes me smile

Elijah has been a little pistol lately. We had to get back into the routine of getting up early and going to daycare after our week off. Getting that boy out of bed in the morning is not a pleasant experience. (It usually involves tears and much whining) This morning I tried a new tactic. I went into his room and turned off his radio and humidifier and then I left. He growled, growned and whined. But then, a miracle, he heard John and yelled down the hall, "Don't worry, John. Big Elijah is coming!" He then proceeded to stomp this way down the hall to the delighted squeals of his baby brother.

He never ceases to make me smile.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Pay-it-Forward

I got this from my super-creative sister-in-law, Melissa. As a girl whose number 2 love language is gifts, this sounds great to me. (yes, I also love to give them) So,who is up for some fun?

{The Rules}
1. Be one of the first THREE bloggers to leave a comment on this post, which then entitles you to a handmade item from me - something crafty or yummy, who knows?!
2. Winners must post this challenge on your blog, meaning that you will Pay It Forward, creating a handmade gift -anything!- for the first THREE bloggers who leave a comment on YOUR post about this giveaway!
3.The gift that you send to your 3 Friends can be from any price range and you have 365 days to make/ship your item. This means you should be willing to maintain your blog at least until you receive your gift and have shipped your gifts. And, remember: It’s the Spirit and the Thought That Counts!4. When you receive your gift, please feel free to blog about it! If you are not one of the Top Three Commenters on this post, you can still play along. Go ahead and start your own Pay It Forward chain, and encourage your blogging friends to do the same!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

To Sara, thank you!

A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life. ~Isadora James

I really thought you were crazy for agreeing to take my two children for three nights and four days. I thought you were nutty for agreeing to take my two children with colds for three nights and four days. I think you are remarkable for taking care of my little boy with a fever and my baby who coughed and coughed.
Sara, you truly are the gift to my heart. Those few days away were so divine. The time with Chris was so needed and conversing with adults was just what I needed. Thank you for the sacrafice and the patience you imparted. There are few people I would leave my children with for an extended period of time and even fewer I would leave them with when they are sick.
Elijah had such a super time. When we got home he immediately wanted to know when we were going back. He is still singing "I like to move it, move it." It warms my heart that he can be at home in your house, with you, Uncle Andy, Jo, and Isaiah.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

The Ultimate Valentine

I have never really liked Valentines Day. It just doesn't make sense to me that you would show someone you love them just because of a day on the calendar. Shouldn't we show people we love them everyday? Call me crazy but I would much rather feel someones love on a random day because they actually love me and not on Valentines Day when they feel they have to love me.

I was talking about this with my students yesterday in school and I made the comment that God is our ultimate Valentine. He loves us everyday, everyway, no matter what. It made a few of my students smile because they think I am strange most of the time but it made me praise because I don't need any other love from anybody as long as I have His love. All the other's is just bonus.


ps...I did get a great bonus this morning. An extra hour of sleep and donuts for breakfast.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

John John

Oh, my baby John is growing up way to fast. I have now become convinced that he is the child who will give me grey hair. His latest accomplishment is to pull-up on whatever is at his level. It seems he believes that anything will hold him and his girth, even wobbly cardboard boxes (which collapse and cause head bonking). I walked into the bathroom the other day, thinking John was in the living room with Elijah where I left him, only to find John balancing on the step-stool. He likes to let go now which usually results in a hard thud on his rump. Last night was the funniest though. I put him to bed because he could not stop rubbing his eyes. John, however, decided that he was not really ready. He pulled himself up in his crib as I was leaving the room. I stood outside listening to John explore the blinds on his window and then partaking in his favorite athletic event, nuk chucking. After about 5 minutes he grew weary but couldn't figure out what to do with himself so he yelled until I came back in and tucked him in.
I love you, John. And I think I am going to love Preference hair color too!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Trust in the Lord

We are in such a season of trusting the Lord right now. I found out at work this week that all staff is taking/getting a 13-15% pay cut. I had prayed, albiet not frequently, that the Lord would solve Gethsemane's money trouble and I had trusted up until the moment our boss shared the news. When the news hit my ears, I found myself spinning. My brain hasn't stopped spinning since Tuesday's meeting. How are we going to afford to pay daycare, buy groceries, pay student loans, the mortgage, gas up the car....

I kept telling myself to hold tight. To not do the typical Suzanne-emotional response. In truth, I have done okay but I have found myself going over the deep end a few times when talking with coworkers (so maybe it is more grousing than talking).

Then today I had faculty devotions in my room. I had planned a devotion based on 2 Corinthians 12:7 where Paul speaks to the sufficiency of God's grace. I had a brilliant illustration in the Hoyt family. They are a father/son team who do triathlons. Only the son is handicapped and has to be pushed, carried, and wheeled through the three event race. As I was speaking my devotion God spoke to my heart and reminded me that He is just like Doug Hoyt, pushing me through this time of uncertainty and stress. I can rest in Him; He will take care of us as we make decisions and look for provision.
Thank you God, because my head hurts!

Here is the link if you want to see the video.
http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=8cf08faca5dd9ea45513

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

...even in Australia

I seem to be having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad time in the motherhood department lately. I was sure that motherhood would be easier the second time around but that has not proven to be true. Certain I would be an expert by now this past week has put me over the edge.
My adorable John has become a mama's boy who breaks into tears every time I place him on the floor. One night I had to just leave him to cry because dinner had to be made and you would have thought I had stolen his puppy the way he looked at me and sobbed. It broke my heart. Several early, early mornings (2:00 AM!) I have lain in bed listening to him wail. Chris nearly has to hold me down because I just can't stand the sound of his angry cry.
Why is he doing this? I am certain Elijah never did. Okay, so I am not certain but I don't remember it. Maybe that is the point. It is hard right now. Sleepless right now. Aggravating right now. But it is only right now. It will not always be right now.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Contentment

Can it really be 2009 already? 2008 was a great year. How could it not have been, it was the year God brought me my sweet John. It was the year Elijah became mostly potty trained. It was the year I jumped out of an airplane!

It was also the year that God brought me to my goal a bit early. Usually I sit and think and pray and ponder over what it is God wants me to work on but this year God brought it right to me. And early on too. In July, I felt God telling me to be content. So I stopped my job search and went about my life. Little did I know God wanted me to be content in all areas of my life. And when I say all I mean all. Let me give you an few examples. I usually get money for my birthday so I can get some new school clothes, but this year I could not find anything. Not one single thing appealed to me. So I looked in my closet and for the first time saw how abundantly clothed I am. Another example comes with my car. The good old Stratus is pushing 162,000 miles, it leaks powerstreering fluid, and has a mystery leak in the exhaust. We decided it was time to trade it in. However, for the past 9 months we have been unable to find another car. We are either moments too late when we call, are not satified when we drive one, or feel we are being cheated with trade-in offers ($200 bucks is the lowest). The car still runs great and serves its purpose so God says be content. (I'm working on it.)

The one area I am not content and where I am sure God would agree I need more is in my relationship with Him. Through Bible study and prayer I have come to know and understand that I need more of Him and less of me. John 15:5 is my memory verse for this week, "I am the vine and you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you; you will bear much fruit. Apart from me you can do nothing." I am striving this year to let the nagging notion of discontentment drive me ever closer to my Father. I cannot be content until my relationship with Him is perfect. I guess that means I will always been striving.