Monday, December 23, 2013

I need Him

I tend to head into motherhood rather cavalierly (is that a word?).  I think I got it all figured out and mastered.  For sure this time, I mean it is the fourth child.

I am certain God is laughing His gracious head off.  I have nothing figured out except that I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to being a mother.  The only thing I do exactly right is feed babies, but then barn animals can do that, so this feat is not saying much.

Micah requires a lot of attention.  More than the others.  He spends a lot of time crying.  I think he has some tummy issues but since he cannot talk I'm not sure.

Daniel requires a lot of attention.  More than the others.  He spends a lot of time crying.  Without a certain amount of Mom-time he cries for me in a pitiful way in the middle of the night.

John requires a lot of attention.  More than the others.  He spends a lot of time crying.  Kids have been mean at school, he has made a bad choice and has a devastating consequence, he has fallen down again.

Elijah requires a lot of attention.  More than the others.  He spends a lot of time reading (a bit big for crying).  Buried in a book he escapes the chaos that is our life and tiptoes around trying to make sure he doesn't do anything to make Mom mad (she sometimes snaps at the dear child).

As I was driving home from one of the five doctor appointments we had last week.  Micah is screaming in the backseat as he had been screaming for most of the day.  Right out loud I told the Lord, "I cannot do this.  I am not equipped to handle a colic baby.  I cannot do this!"  Then I heard Matt Mahr singing "I need you, every hour I need you."  Tears fell.  "More like every second I need you," I said to myself.   And that was just the point God was trying to get across.

I need Him.  You need Him.  We all need Him in desperate ways.  So, each day I cling to the One who has the answers, the patience, the mercy, the love that I cannot muster.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Micah Andrew

A week ago at this time the big, bigger, and biggest brothers were meeting their new brother, Micah.  It was more than this emotional momma could handle and tears were shed.  It had been a long day already.  When I had gone to bed the night before I had expected to get a great nights sleep.  Wake up at 4:15 take a shower and stroll leisurely into the hospital for a c-section.

Something painful woke me up at 11:30 and it wouldn't stop.  Even when I tried to shower it away, will it away, pray it away.  Labor had indeed started.  After a quick call to my doctor and another three tries to get my sister roused in the wee hours we were off to the hospital.

We had the day right just not the time.  "Nobody knows except us and Sara and Andy."  I said to Chris on the way in.  It was kind of fun to have a secret from the world, except for contractions part.  Those really hurt and sort of dampened the mood.

At 3:25 another Anderson Boy entered the world.  We hadn't exactly settled on a name but as soon as I saw that baby I asked Chris if he could be Micah.  Chris had not been a fan of Micah, even after I wrote him an essay on why the prophet Micah would be a great choice for a namesake.  But somehow, even as I held out hope for a girl, I knew we would have a Micah. 

Andrew honors Uncle Andy.  He is a man with a true servant heart, integrity, love, and intelligence. And more than that, he loves the Lord and seeks after Him.  I pray Micah gleans even a fraction of what Andy offers the world.

Even though things didn't go as I had planned (when will I learn I am not in charge?) , I feel blessed beyond measure.