Friday, January 23, 2009

Trust in the Lord

We are in such a season of trusting the Lord right now. I found out at work this week that all staff is taking/getting a 13-15% pay cut. I had prayed, albiet not frequently, that the Lord would solve Gethsemane's money trouble and I had trusted up until the moment our boss shared the news. When the news hit my ears, I found myself spinning. My brain hasn't stopped spinning since Tuesday's meeting. How are we going to afford to pay daycare, buy groceries, pay student loans, the mortgage, gas up the car....

I kept telling myself to hold tight. To not do the typical Suzanne-emotional response. In truth, I have done okay but I have found myself going over the deep end a few times when talking with coworkers (so maybe it is more grousing than talking).

Then today I had faculty devotions in my room. I had planned a devotion based on 2 Corinthians 12:7 where Paul speaks to the sufficiency of God's grace. I had a brilliant illustration in the Hoyt family. They are a father/son team who do triathlons. Only the son is handicapped and has to be pushed, carried, and wheeled through the three event race. As I was speaking my devotion God spoke to my heart and reminded me that He is just like Doug Hoyt, pushing me through this time of uncertainty and stress. I can rest in Him; He will take care of us as we make decisions and look for provision.
Thank you God, because my head hurts!

Here is the link if you want to see the video.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

...even in Australia

I seem to be having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad time in the motherhood department lately. I was sure that motherhood would be easier the second time around but that has not proven to be true. Certain I would be an expert by now this past week has put me over the edge.
My adorable John has become a mama's boy who breaks into tears every time I place him on the floor. One night I had to just leave him to cry because dinner had to be made and you would have thought I had stolen his puppy the way he looked at me and sobbed. It broke my heart. Several early, early mornings (2:00 AM!) I have lain in bed listening to him wail. Chris nearly has to hold me down because I just can't stand the sound of his angry cry.
Why is he doing this? I am certain Elijah never did. Okay, so I am not certain but I don't remember it. Maybe that is the point. It is hard right now. Sleepless right now. Aggravating right now. But it is only right now. It will not always be right now.

Thursday, January 1, 2009


Can it really be 2009 already? 2008 was a great year. How could it not have been, it was the year God brought me my sweet John. It was the year Elijah became mostly potty trained. It was the year I jumped out of an airplane!

It was also the year that God brought me to my goal a bit early. Usually I sit and think and pray and ponder over what it is God wants me to work on but this year God brought it right to me. And early on too. In July, I felt God telling me to be content. So I stopped my job search and went about my life. Little did I know God wanted me to be content in all areas of my life. And when I say all I mean all. Let me give you an few examples. I usually get money for my birthday so I can get some new school clothes, but this year I could not find anything. Not one single thing appealed to me. So I looked in my closet and for the first time saw how abundantly clothed I am. Another example comes with my car. The good old Stratus is pushing 162,000 miles, it leaks powerstreering fluid, and has a mystery leak in the exhaust. We decided it was time to trade it in. However, for the past 9 months we have been unable to find another car. We are either moments too late when we call, are not satified when we drive one, or feel we are being cheated with trade-in offers ($200 bucks is the lowest). The car still runs great and serves its purpose so God says be content. (I'm working on it.)

The one area I am not content and where I am sure God would agree I need more is in my relationship with Him. Through Bible study and prayer I have come to know and understand that I need more of Him and less of me. John 15:5 is my memory verse for this week, "I am the vine and you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you; you will bear much fruit. Apart from me you can do nothing." I am striving this year to let the nagging notion of discontentment drive me ever closer to my Father. I cannot be content until my relationship with Him is perfect. I guess that means I will always been striving.