I am certain God is laughing His gracious head off. I have nothing figured out except that I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to being a mother. The only thing I do exactly right is feed babies, but then barn animals can do that, so this feat is not saying much.
Micah requires a lot of attention. More than the others. He spends a lot of time crying. I think he has some tummy issues but since he cannot talk I'm not sure.
Daniel requires a lot of attention. More than the others. He spends a lot of time crying. Without a certain amount of Mom-time he cries for me in a pitiful way in the middle of the night.
John requires a lot of attention. More than the others. He spends a lot of time crying. Kids have been mean at school, he has made a bad choice and has a devastating consequence, he has fallen down again.
Elijah requires a lot of attention. More than the others. He spends a lot of time reading (a bit big for crying). Buried in a book he escapes the chaos that is our life and tiptoes around trying to make sure he doesn't do anything to make Mom mad (she sometimes snaps at the dear child).
As I was driving home from one of the five doctor appointments we had last week. Micah is screaming in the backseat as he had been screaming for most of the day. Right out loud I told the Lord, "I cannot do this. I am not equipped to handle a colic baby. I cannot do this!" Then I heard Matt Mahr singing "I need you, every hour I need you." Tears fell. "More like every second I need you," I said to myself. And that was just the point God was trying to get across.
I need Him. You need Him. We all need Him in desperate ways. So, each day I cling to the One who has the answers, the patience, the mercy, the love that I cannot muster.
2 comments:
Rest assured, you're in good company. And, voicing your own need only draws attention to your boys' need for a Savior, too, which is exactly what they need. :-)You're a good mommy.
I didn't have four kids, but I did have one with colic. I know the exhaustion, I know the sense of being at the end of your patience. So very glad you know that you don't really find the beginning of God until you come to the end of yourself. This is a good place to be! The days are long, but the years are short. You'll be looking back some day and you'll be so very glad for every one of these days. Love you,
Barb
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