Speechless

I'm a talker.  I usually have something to say about most things.

But, Thursday, I was speechless.

I had trekked over to Lennox to fetch Grandma for the day.  I had wanted to get her early enough in the day so that she didn't feel forgotten.  Getting out of Hilda's always involves at least one stop.  Letting others know she was departing is important to Grandma so we headed to the kitchen window.  There was a smattering of little old ladies and men sitting at the dinning tables visiting.   Grandma tapped her empty coffee cup on the counter to get the cooks attention and then proceeded with her goodbye.

I felt a soft pull on my sleeve.  Expecting the usual conversation about who I am and what we were doing I turned to look into the dimming eyes of a woman I had seen before.

"I feel sorry for you,"  she declared.

I must have looked confused because she looked from me to Grandma and back.

I must have looked a bit stunned.  "Well..." her voice trailed off.

I returned my attention to Grandma, shepering her out the door and into the van.

The words of that elderly lady echoing in my head.  I wrestled with the meaning behind them.  She felt sorry for me because my Grandma is not the kindest, gentlest woman.  She wants what she wants and she expects certain things.  She is not quick to extend grace or mercy.  And it comes out in harsh tones and a bad attitude to those around her. 

I thought of all the things I should have said as Grandma sat in the recliner reading the newspaper.

I should have said, "Oh, don't feel sorry for me.  She loved me when I was difficult to love.  When I got into the perfume and lipstick and bathroom spray.  She loved me when I ruined her yellow bathroom rug and when I hid during cleaning time.  She gave me a chance when everyone else didn't think I was responsible enough.  She welcomed me into her home when I needed a place to crash in high school before basketball games.  She supported me by coming to watch me cheer even though it was terribly loud.  She loved me when I moved away and rarely saw her.  So, really, don't feel sorry for me.  I'm sorry that you don't get to know the better side of Grandma."