Refining

As a little girl I always wanted to be a mom.  It was the number one thing I played.  I think I just really wanted to be in charge, like my mom was. 

As a mom I really don't want to be in charge.  It is hard.  Everyday I make all these decisions that seem little but the voice in my heart keeps telling me they will make a difference. 

So I am full of fear.  All those little decisions.  Go to timeout.  No Kindle for you.  Tell your brother you are sorry.  Change into clothes that match.  Stop shouting (said while shouting).

What if those decisions are wrong?  Really wrong. 

And then there are the big mistakes.  Offhandedly giving permission for my boy with allergies to eat a cookie.  Not thinking twice when he said he felt funny.  Having to apologize for not paying attention and protecting him.

Would God really refine me at the cost of my child?  Job 32:10 says so.  "For He knows the way that I take, and when He has refined me I shall come forth as gold."  He will refine me.  He will also sustain me and never leave me and give me wisdom I lack.

Oh, thank you, Lord.