Mist

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." James 4:14

A mist, here and gone in a moment.  This was a week of mourning.  Three lives lost, three mists vanished.

Tuesday I found out a boy I had attended high school had passed away.  While not close with him now, back in the day we had been close friends.  He even took me to my senior prom when no one else would.  He left behind a wife and four children and countless friends.  I was troubled all week about how it happened and why.  Then the Spirit led me to realize it wasn't really about how or why.  What really bothered me was the thought that 36 years was not enough and how unfair it was to his wife, his children, his parents, his sister.  While I prayed and sought comfort, I remained uncomfortable because in truth I cling too tightly to this life.  To my life. 

Wednesday I cried with my dearest friend at the news that her father had passed away.  Resting in Heaven, free from the work it took him to breath, were not much comfort to a friend who was heartbroken.  Able to have a great spiritual conversation with him a few months back she is thankful he knew the Lord, but her heart still hurt.  My heart hurts for her, I know the sting of loosing a parent.  A mist here for 70 some years and now vanished. 

Thursday I tried to pull the covers over my head and avoid the day.  Twelve years ago my mom, a mist for 47 years, vanished.  God grew me a lot after her death; in hard ways He revealed himself to me.  And as I celebrate those years of growth I still dread July 10.  I hate the memory of Chris coming to talk to me at the Black Hills State library where I was studying.  I remember thinking he was so sweet for coming to surprise me.  I remember the realization of what the visit was really about.  In the days before everyone had a cell phone he had received the news from my beautiful sister and was the one to bring it to me.  I hate the feeling it brings to my heart.

I am a mist who clings too tightly to this life.  

Who works daily on letting go of my selfishness.  

Who is counting blessings to grow more grateful, more beautiful in the sight of God.   

Who is "counting it all joy" to be in a season of testing because I want more than anything to develop perseverance so that I "may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." {James 1:2}