Monday really brought in a spirit of defeat for me after having my darling blue-eyed boy yell at me each time I told him no. By 7:00 and 20 yelling incidents, I succumbed to the sin within me and yelled right back. Loud. Mean. As I carried him down the hall listening to him yell, "You are the meanest mom ever!", my heart broke and we both crumpled to the floor in tears. Rocking back and forth saying, "I love you" over and over and praying in my heart for forgiveness I felt so defeated. My dear boy looked up at me, "I love you too."
Tuesday we were chugging along in the van when my brown-eyed big boy launched into a confession. "You know how I sometimes act crazy and loud? I do it on purpose." What! My compliant, rule follower being naughty on purpose. "I just feel like I need to do something to get your attention, even if it means you are going to give me a talking to." Oh, man! The return of defeat.
The rest of the week did not get much better. My dearly beloved left on Thursday for four days and it rained a lot while he was gone (i.e. we had to stay cooped up inside).
But what's a Mom to do? I don't want to be "that" mom. The one who yells and can't figure out why her kids don't listen. I don't think the answer is in a parenting book. I feel very strongly, down in my bones, that the solution comes in prayer. This week showed me once again I can not do this alone. I cannot! So, I dug out the very nice prayer journal I received from the pastor's wife after Daniel was born and have begun to meditate and think on the scriptures my boys need me to pray into their lives. And I have begun to really take seriously the practice of seeking His presence in every moment.
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