7 years, 1 month & 1 day

I can remember it like it was yesterday instead of 7 years, 1 month, and 1 day ago. I can remember that whole time, really. It is a bit shocking how much I actually remember since I have the tendency to "forget" the things in life that are hard or difficult.

I remember visiting home Memorial day weekend and being so excited that Mom was up and around and so, well, alive. We went grocery shopping, talked forever, she even let her grown daughter lay in her lap as she stroked my hair (my favorite time with my mom since I was a kid).

I remember two weeks later the frantic call from Sara telling me to hurry home. I remember wishing the 5 1/2 hour drive would be done but at the same time dreading walking through the apartment door.

I remember taking care of my mom, much like she had taken care of me when I was a baby. It was a time that was so draining but also so important.

I also remember driving home from a 1o hour day at my hotel front desk job, dreading the homework that I needed to do that night and wishing I had air conditioning in our apartment. During that drive the Spirit so impressed upon me the need to talk to my mom that I almost called that night.

I waited though until the next morning. I briefly talked to Barb, who was taking care of her so we could all get a bit of a break, and then I had her hold the phone up to Mom's ear. I remember telling her that I loved her so much. Later that morning, I went off to do some research for a class at the college library glad that I had talked to her. I was sitting at a computer in the library when I was suprised to see Chris walking in the library. Thinking he had come to say hi or take me to lunch I smiled and greeted him with a, "What are you doing here?" His response set me aback, "Honey, you know why I am here." But I didn't know, not for the first three seconds or so then everything in my life changed, forever.

So, 7 years, 1 month, and 1 day later I can still remember it all. Truth be told, there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about my mom. I still miss her terribly even 7 years, 1 month, and 1 day later.

Idleness

I have been struck by a post my beloved sister and friend, Sara, put up a week or so ago about idle words and being accountable for all that we say. Her post has been festering in my heart. What gets me about it is not so much that I talk too much, nor that most of the time what I have to say is of no significance. I think more importantly God is really pulling on my heart about my idle time. I often spend my idle time with an idol, the TV. God wasn't kidding when he said, "Thou shall have no other gods before me." This is something I know, something I rationalize, and something I sometimes ignore. I have always loved TV. I grew up watching TV at night with my family. I love the characters and figuring out the story before anyone else. But it is idle time.

What really got me by the heart was when I was both speaking idle words and doing idle things at the same time. During a conversation with my sister on Wednesday I "profoundly" said that if someone is important to someone then they should make time for them. She was quiet (I am sure she was trying to figure out how to get me to stop talking) so I rambled on trying to justify my frustration with the relationship we were talking about. After we hung up God grabbed me and said, "Really, Suzanne, that must mean I am not all the important to you."

Uh...rats! I do believe that we make time for those things or people that are important to us but God is also right. I have not been making time for Him. What is wrong with me? I feel like Paul did when he said to the Romans, "For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing." (Romans 7:19) So I ask the question, why? Why do I allow myself to be so tempted, easily swayed, and lured away? More importantly what do I plan to do about it.

Dear...

Dear MaMa,

Please send that baby away! I don't understand why you brought her here in the first place. I need you to be ready at all times to hold me. Furthermore, your lap needs to be ready at all times for me to plop down to flip through a book. I don't think she is as cute as you think she is. Who wears dresses anyway? Remember I am your baby and everything I do you think is adorable. How can you think what she does is adorable? I do love her toys but that is not enough to sway me.

Your frustrated baby,

John-John

Dear Mom,

Wow! What a great addition! I think baby Adaeina is a rockstar. She is so much fun to talk to and make faces at. I really think she likes me. Don't you think we should have some more sisters, brothers, and big boys? I was a bit concerned at first that Ms. Kristin left her here but Adelina is great.

In love,

Elijah

Learning to Swim

An integral part of any triathlon is the swim. To me it is the most daunting part. I chose the tri I am doing partly because the swim is supposed to be short, 500 yards. It later dawned on me that that is the same as 5 football fields. Not so short.

So in the past three weeks I have been learning to swim. My first time in the water was exhausting. My coach (Chris) explained that I should not kick my legs like I am doing the 50 meter dash but rather kick them like I am doing a 500 yard swim. To but it mildly I looked like a flailing fish, which is better than a beached whale, but not too helpful for a girl who has to swim in her triathlon. My second time in the water went better; I could actually breath and my flippers weren't working so much overtime. And so on I have progressed.

It dawned on me the other day that learning to swim is much like our relationship with God. We often dive in, not knowing what we are supposed to be doing, so we flail about in the water and then get frustrated and sink. We try it again, this time listening to our "coach" and learn a thing or two. As we continue going for it we get better and better at being authentic with God, at having a humble spirit, at spreading His saving grace to those around us.

I could certainly use more swim training, how about you?

2/3alete

Today I finished 2 parts of a triathlon. Chris graciously did the swim for me (I'm still working on that part). So I completed 18.1 continuous miles of motion, in one sitting. Overall, I would say it went well. Probably the best part of the whole day was at the end when my dearly beloved husband congratulated me and then said, "You didn't think you could do it, but I knew you could."

Heading out on the run, only 3 miles to go.

I did take a little spill on the bike. I will say the first aid man was definitely not a parent. He didn't even warn me before dumping a bunch of peroxide on my wounds! Ouch!