Dependence

God uses anything and everything to bring up areas that need addressing in my life.  Like a three day weather event.

I have some issues with dependence.  I am a "I'll do it myself" kind of girl.  A lesson I learned early in life it has usually served me well.  Except it makes leaning on God difficult.  If I can do it myself I have no use for a Savior.  In most areas of my spiritual life I have been "healed" when it comes to dependence (mostly through really hard lessons).  This week, however, I needed to learn that depending on someone else is okay too.

Front Tree on Wednesday Morning

 Rain on Tuesday quickly turned to ice and led to creaking and cracking and eventually, falling branches.  It was eerie to hear falling limbs and no knowing if it was coming for the roof or the neighbors.  At 10:00 pm on Tuesday night a huge thunk brought Chris and I racing up the stairs.  A large limb had landed on the deck.  We started praying for the Lord's protection over our house.

Large branch that fell on the deck

Chris had to head out of town on Wednesday morning so I was going to be on my own.  "If we can keep electricity I can do it" I told myself.   We lost electricity when a branch fell on the power line and sparked a smoldering fire that our neighbor happened to see.  So much for being able to do it myself.  Wednesday morning dawned dark and heavy and a mere 66 degrees in the house.  Donning sweatshirts and extra socks we ate breakfast, cleared the driveway and figured out how to get the garage door open.  Then I called my sister.

Front tree on Thursday morning.  Poor poor tree.

I packed a few items for "just in case" but in my head I was still certain we would be back home by that night. Two nights and three days later we returned to a warm house.

Depending on my sister for shelter, food, and company was hard for me.  I never want to be a mooch.  She offered to help me clear the driveway but I did it myself so she wouldn't have to.  Depending on help cleaning up the destruction is hard for me.  I never want to put people out.  Thanks to a "bored" neighbor the front yard is all cleaned up and me Dad is coming during nap time so we can tackle the back yard.

Thanks Adam for cutting and cleaning up!

Cleaning up this mess in the backyard with my Dad's help

Depending on someone else is not a bad thing.  Living a communal life with my sister for three days showed me that we all need the help of someone else.  And it is wonderful to accept the help of someone else with nothing else to give in return but a simple Thank You.

Dear John

Oh buddy, I cannot tell you how proud I am of you.  I cannot express with enough enthusiasm the delight you bring me.

Thanks for sticking by me this "school"year.  I know you got the short end of the stick when it came to preschool teachers (teacher is a term used loosely here).  I knew we were in for quite the ride when you cried in frustration the first day because, "Drawing lines is sooooo hard!"

But you did it!  After two months you asked if we could step it up and do two letters a month, because "one is just too boring."  We finished the alphabet in no time.  And you went from not really recognizing your letters at all to knowing them and their sounds (most of the time depending on the time of day).  Then you really wowed me when I asked to to randomly sound out a word.  You did it!  R-A-T = Rat you said with confidence.  You have even begun to write words.  "How do you spell ______?"  You like to ask and then you set out writing a word.

You aimed high with your first writing request: Robot.

We are still working on those pesky numbers but we're getting there.  The truth is, Mom isn't so great at those numbers either.  But Dad was most impressed with the Math "test" you took this week.  Adding smiles, circles, and triangles was easy for you (I already knew you were good at that since we practice in the car).

I didn't give you nearly enough credit.  You hide your intelligence behind silliness and wiggles.  You taught me that school doesn't always have to be done at the table.  Sometimes it works better on the floor, or the store, or outside.  You taught me to slow down and celebrate the learning along the way.  If I ever go back to teaching I am certain I will be better at it because of all you have taught me.

Kindergarten is quickly approaching.  You waffle on whether it is a good idea for you to go or not.  The truth is, so does Mommy. I know you now, how you process, learn and figure things out.  I think in the end, kindergarten is going to be a great launching pad for you to show the world (or at least your class) how brilliant you really are, under all that silliness and wiggling.

I love you, John-John!
Mama

Starting Young

We start chores at a young age around here.

Walking

"Hearing" from Mom

While digging for John's birth certificate this week so we could sign him up for Kindergarten I came across a note my mom gave me the day I got married.  It stopped me in my tracks.  Loosing your mom is not an easy thing at any age. I have several friends some older and some younger who are in the thick of caring for mom's with memory issues, cancer, and just plain old age.

It is the notes like this and other random things that I find or God puts in my path that make it a bit easier to swallow, because I need to "hear" her voice and remember our life together.  She was a pill sometimes (probably where I inherited my pilliness from) but I miss her everyday.

"This will be the last chance I have to tell you what I need to.  The last chance with all the wedding festivities going on to let you know how I feel.  The last time....

         You'll be my baby only

         I can stroke your hair and rub your back    {This was my favorite after a rough day}

         I will have one of those ever so wonderful hugs that only you can give me

        Share tears and fears of our days and future talks

        Get mad at you for not doing something my way!

        Give you a toe adjustment

         Smile when you're not looking because I am so proud of you

Thanks for being here this summer.  Dale feels the same way, you kept me sane while he has been gone so much, my work has been poopy,and we really had a chance to get to know each other all over again.  I am so thankful for that.  You are a strong, independent person that is so happy and I am so proud of you.  That's all I ever wanted for you and have tried to show you to do and to be.  Be proud of yourself and happy with yourself - then you can give all that to someone else, your husband.

I might be giving you to Chris but I will never actually "give" you to anyone.  You're only out on "loan" on the share program ( for details read the fine print!).  You'll always be my Suzybaby, and my Sunshine....

M"