Leap of Faith

I leaped! I stood on the edge of a door and looked down 13,000 feet and then I leaned out and was free. It was so amazing and beautiful. Careening through the air at 150 mph, I could see forever. There was no fear, no nerves, just pure fun and enjoyment as we fell for 65 seconds. A tap on my shoulder told me it was time to hold on. The parachute flew out and did it's job. Floating down was magical, at times it felt like we were suspended in air, not moving at all. Getting to drive the parachute was fun. I did spin a bit more than I should have, 30 year-old tummys can't handle all that discombobulation. Seeing the ground rush at me for the landing was a bit startling but it was soft.

I would like to say I had these great revelations as I was falling but my mind was clear; blank. I think it is one of the only times I have ever had a clear mind. Afterwards my mind went to the symbolism of the jump. That jump is my faith. Christ has my back. He has the parachute. He has the spins. He is in control of soft landings. He is in control period. As I begin a new school year I pray I can remember that.

Take the leap already

So, I have been trying to take a flying leap for two weeks now. Yes, a literal flying leap. I have always wanted to jump out of a perfectly good airplane and see the ground rushing up at me. Strange, yes. I decided that for my 30th birthday it would be the perfect time. Of course the day I was to leap it rained. The only day we have had rain in weeks. Next time came around. After a week of beautiful sunny skies, clouds. I guess it is not cool to jump from 10,000 feet in the air when it is cloudy, apparently there is a lot of wind in clouds which makes it difficult for pilots of small planes. So, I am praying that the third time is the charm as I try to do the craziest thing I have ever done on Tuesday at 4:00. Until then I will remain my normal, boring, uncrazy self.

Missing You

I think about her almost every day but there are certain times when I really miss my mom. One of those days is any day something really cool happens with John or Elijah. Yesterday was one of those days. John was having some happy tummy time. Showing off how strong he is with is baby push ups--or head ups in his case-- he moved just right and rolled over! The look on his face was priceless and I wanted to share that with my mom.

I miss you mom.

Nine

Today is one of my favorite days all year long. Nine years ago today I became Mrs. Suzanne Anderson. I can remember that day as though it were yesterday. I remember my mom telling me not to see Chris because it was bad luck but while she was out getting her hair done Chris and I saw each other for a brief minute. I remember putting my dress on at the church and then having to go to the bathroom with three bridesmaids holding my dress. I remember those bridesmaides assuring me that my soon-to-be husband was at the church when really he had not arrived yet. I remember walking down the aisle, tears flowing, and only being aware of his handsome face. I remember our tears as our friend Jared sang.

We were talking last night about all that we have done and been through in nine years. It really amazes both of us that it has been nine years already. For our first year anniversary I gave Chris a homemade card that I made while we were driving back from the Black Hills to our apartment in Bloomington. The card said, "Love is bumpy but I'll bump along with you forever." That saying is so true. Love is bumpy but man do I love going through the bumps with this man. It hardly seems possible, but I think I love and appreciate him more after nine years than I did on August 14, 1999.

My dearest Chris, you continually challenge me, which really irritates me at the time but man do I love how you don't let me get away with my stuff. You push me to be the best I can be and I am all the better for it. I thank God every day for blessing me with a man who loves me as much as you love me. I certainly don't deserve your devotion but I am so thankful I have it. Here's to ninety-nine more years of love with you.

Go Daddy Season

Today ended our 2008 "Go Daddy" season. Chris finished his last MN tri with a second place age-group finish. He was a bit disgruntled with himself because he thought he got a penalty (saved by grace I guess); some passing rule or something. Elijah finally cheered like a pro and Daddy actually got to hear him yell. John enjoyed his day to, although he did spit up all over Mommy's shoulder.

Elijah was growling, his new greeting. John was smiling at his brother's antics.

Man, Daddy is fast!

Look Mom, I found some dirt to rub on my face

Way to go Daddy!

Confession

I have a confession to make and since they say confession is good for the soul why not confess it to all of cyberspace? I have been on a tough journey over the course of the last eleven months. My enemy had put the desire for more in my heart, and I began to falsely believe I was much better than I really am. "I am a great teacher and finding a better job will be easy." "I deserve better than what we have." "I am smarter than a lot of people so I should get paid accordingly."

I went through the entire school year certain God was leading me to a new job; a better paying job. I planned lessons and attended meetings with an aire of snobbery. I had a horrible attitude about my job and am sure I was just a peach to work with. In April when our car was having trouble I dreamed dreams of nice cars with remote entry and a sun roof.

Then God started to take me down a notch at a time. First, looking for a car became like a second job and nothing ever seemed to work out or be quite right. I became so stressed and upset that I began to resent my dear husband's insistance on buying a car from the "stupid" Consumer Reports list. Next I started applying for teaching jobs (10 of them to be exact) and I began waiting for the interviews to roll in (I was sure this was what God wanted). I got one interview and was passed over. Oh, so God wants to me to get what we teachers call a regular job. I applied for 10 of those too; nothing, not a single phone call or interview.

The problem with all of this want-for-moreness is that I chose to forget who was in charge. I was telling God what I wanted, asking without listening, and getting so angry with the results that I shut Him out. I faked my faith and ignored God. Funny how one can not really ignore the creator of the universe, He is everywhere. But man did I try. I got so successful at it that I could go days without praying and I didn't even think of reading my Bible daily.

God finally got through to me a few weeks ago and then really hit the message home at Beth Moore. "Be content. Be content with what you have, Suzanne. Do not worry, I will provide, just be content."

And so I am trying to be content, I am working to repair my damaged relationship with God, and I am clinging to His promises.